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[Vagus]

You need:Chicken wings (a dozen or so intact) Should be the 12$ packageWaterA pot for steaming (you know the shit with the basket within the pot? Thats what you need)A baking pan (or two pans. You need as many pans as it takes to fit all the wings like they're ####in cookies or something)Parchment paper (no substitutions)A beer (you put this shit in your brain, its not part of the food)An oven (i know it seems obvious... but i cant vouch for other heating mediums)Sharp food scissors (my wing separation technique is pretty drunken so i use scissors. If you've got elite knife handling anatomical skillz, then you can prolly slice some shit up with a straight blade)OkDrink the beer.OH shit! You also need a cutting board. Add that to the list.Ok, separate the wings into 3 peices at the joints. Discard the tips so all you have left are the little drum sticks and the ####ing weird things with two bones that no one likes. Throw the drum sticks and the weird things into your steamer basket. Steam them on high for 15 minutes. That's 15 minutes of raw steam. If steam isn't blowing out of the top of your covered pot, stop the timer and wait until it is. Steam that shit son. If your electric range isn't man enough, get a flame thrower. The wings should be like rubber balls when they're done. Rubber ####ing balls. As your wings are steaming, line your baking pans with parchment paper. You can throw down some pam spray on top of the paper too... if you're a bitch. First of all, the wings bring enough fat to the table to grease a whale's blowhole. Second, the parchment paper is anti-stick. Right? ####ing right. This is the part where you realize that step two (right after the beer) is to banish the women from the kitchen. WOMEN CANNOT COOK THESE WINGS! Proven fact.Aiight, the wings have finished steaming. That's 15 minutes of pure steam that just happened. Carefully remove them from the pot and place them on the parchment paper-lined pans. Get a nice packing fraction going, but prevent the wings from touching each other. She coming back into the kitchen again? This is where you need the scissors again: cut all her hair off and call her a boy. That should buy you at least 15 minutes of her looking in the bathroom mirror. *mops his brow* I think i shoulda said 2 beers are needed for this. Ok, so theres a special reason you just performed a finishing move on the woman prior to this next step. Women get hungry while wings are cooking, but its going to be awhile before you guys can eat. Nothing summons a female like hearing the refrigerator door open. And thats exactly what you have to do next. You've gotta put the wings, on the pans, into the refrigerator to rest for at least an hour. This is kinda nice because you can leave them there for several hours without incident. I dont think i'd keep them there overnight cuz they might start to dry out and get eaten by women. So yeah, put 'em in. More beer.After the hour of refrigeration is up, preheat the oven THE OVEN to 425 F. Once its to temp, throw in the wings. Bake for 20 minutes. Remove, flip wings, and return to oven. Bake for another 20 minutes. Bam, the wings are cooked. And its nice because they tend to fry themselves in their own fat making the ingredient list little more than wings, booze, and water. The next step is to add whatever sauces you'd like. You can also apply a dry rub to the wings prior to baking. The possibilities are endless. ####ing endless. You could do heroin instead of step 1. Hell, while the oven is preheating, you could feed a baby.