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Tomorrow we are telling the kids about the divorce


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#1 Corbin

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 04:08 PM

Any of you guys with experience in this have any advice? 13yo daughter and 10yo boy. Really struggling with this all day. Tonight is the last night they go to sleep thinking everything is ok with mom and dad.
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#2 Zaphod_Beeblebrox

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 04:20 PM

The 13 year old probably knows something is up. Be honest. Tell them they deserve to grow up in a home full of happiness. Right now that is missing in your marriage. Or however you want to phrase the truth. Give them honesty.
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#3 TonyBrown

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 04:26 PM

vibes bro.  always ensure you never talk bad about mom.

 

that's all i got.  good luck.


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#4 Corbin

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 04:38 PM

vibes bro. always ensure you never talk bad about mom.

that's all i got. good luck.

never would. This is amicable. Not what I wanted but you cant make someone love you. I will always have her back. Support wise that is.
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#5 djinkc

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 04:45 PM

As I understand it didn't your wife initiate this?  Let her start the discussion with what and why.  Still sucks for you and yours though..........


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#6 TonyBrown

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 04:50 PM

never would. This is amicable. Not what I wanted but you cant make someone love you. I will always have her back. Support wise that is.

good man.  :frank:


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#7 Corbin

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 04:50 PM

As I understand it didn't your wife initiate this? Let her start the discussion with what and why. Still sucks for you and yours though..........

yes, she did. I do plan on her taking the lead. We are going to talk about the plan tonight after they go to bed.
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#8 VolFan

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 04:55 PM

Make sure they understand the divorce has absolutely nothing to do with them. It’s between you and her.
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#9 Zaphod_Beeblebrox

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 05:05 PM

This bitch be crazy yo!

Just kidding.
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#10 Zsasz

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 05:08 PM

woah - a post disappeared!

 

anyway there was some good advice in it.  tell them it was mutual at least for now.  then they won't blame one of you for not staying together.


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#11 Benadryl Cumbersnatch

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 05:16 PM

vibes bro. always ensure you never talk bad about mom.

that's all i got. good luck.


This


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#12 Corbin

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 05:37 PM

woah - a post disappeared!

anyway there was some good advice in it. tell them it was mutual at least for now. then they won't blame one of you for not staying together.

damn. Wish I would have seen it.
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#13 djinkc

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 05:44 PM

damn. Wish I would have seen it.

That was the gist of it.  I think it was weeper.  Whatever - kids can be a lot more intuitive than people think sometimes. And sometimes easily led.  Anyway there is no one size fits all.  Good luck with this tomorrow.


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#14 Zsasz

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 05:49 PM

damn. Wish I would have seen it.

 

sorry yeah, that was the part I thought was good.  I figured if it was deleted it was because the author didn't want to let it be known it was them.


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#15 Buzz Buzzard

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 05:58 PM

I can only offer vibes and one guide.
Try to keep them as confident in your love for them as you can.
That means as normal as you can get in treatment of daily life interactions.
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#16 wpr

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 06:15 PM

sorry yeah, that was the part I thought was good. I figured if it was deleted it was because the author didn't want to let it be known it was them.


I sent a pm instead
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#17 dondewey

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Posted 08 November 2019 - 06:46 PM

Saw wpr had the last post in this thread and I thought it said posted by her. I thought, dang, I'm pretty sure they've figured it out by now!

Anyway, vibes and good luck.
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#18 GaryNConcord

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Posted 09 November 2019 - 07:48 AM

I wish you the best today.  Telling my kids was the hardest thing I've done.  There's no way around it, its a nuclear bomb.  Don't go into details, just tell them it wasn't because of them.  Reassure you'll still be available for them going forward, and then prove it.  

I had a deal, where I took them out every Wednesday night for dinner, and since I worked 4-10s, I went to school and did lunch on Friday's.  Three...school...lunches.  Along with the every other weekend they stayed with me.  That did a lot to keep me in the loop. 

Its tough, but you can stay a part of their lives and be there for them.  They'll figure it out over time that they can count on you. Kids are strong, you give them a base to work from and they'll survive intact.


Edited by GaryNConcord, 09 November 2019 - 07:48 AM.

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#19 Hillbilly Deluxe

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Posted 09 November 2019 - 09:37 AM

Being a kid whose parents got divorced when I was 13, I already knew something was up. Of course it was easy when they fought in the basement and I could hear everything. The only advice I can give is to get the children into counseling. This will help them deal with it..
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#20 Corbin

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Posted 09 November 2019 - 02:48 PM

Thanks everyone. Telling them in an hour. Already have a session with the counselor set up. 


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