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My 11 year old is a hot mess


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#21 MakeMeHoppy

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 06:09 AM

things will change when some girl his age tells him to change.


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#22 Vagus

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 06:57 AM

things will change when some girl his age tells him to change.

This may be what happens, but it is wrong on every possible level. 

 

My four year old has the correct approach.  When asked to put his clothes on, bathe, or otherwise improve his cleanliness, he puts down the remote and finds his mother. "Clean me."

 

When he gets a squad of breeding age females, i expect he'll pass the torch along to them.  "Clean me."  And they will love washing down the animal, like a magnificent stallion after a wild ride through the country.  And he will eat sugar cubes from their hands destroying any possibility of having teeth after 20.  


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#23 JKor

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 07:08 AM

I'm going to go against the grain here.  You know I only had girls, so you can take that into consideration, but IMO if he's not ready to care for his hygiene on his own keep track of it yourself until he IS able.  You're going to be hampered by the half-time status, but I'd still be making him bathe and brush on a civilized schedule like he is five instead of eleven.  And deodorant, for God's sake.

 

The window in middle school is very small to get a 'gross kid' label that will follow him until the end of school. Nip it.

 

 

I'm not saying to ignore it but I wouldn't expect it to be self sustaining for a while.  Nor would I expect the micromanaging to be well received, even if he does it begrudgingly.


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#24 BrewerGeorge

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 07:22 AM

I'm not saying to ignore it but I wouldn't expect it to be self sustaining for a while.  Nor would I expect the micromanaging to be well received, even if he does it begrudgingly.

Too bad.



#25 the_stain

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 07:25 AM

Yeah, at that age we pretty much had to tell my son "go take a shower", "go brush your teeth", every single time, or he just wouldn't. Sometimes (not always) he'd be all "ugggggh" but still do it. But we definitely micromanaged it because if we just left it up to him to decide when, it'd be never.

Now, at 16, he is on top of it, showers and brushes his teeth and combs his hair and wears deodorant and all that jazz completely unprompted.
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#26 texred1

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 07:33 AM

My son is 15 and still doesn't brush his teeth until told and sometimes gets out of the shower having never touched soap.

 

It is getting better, but I am ready for this phase to be over.

 

~dustin


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#27 TonyBrown

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 07:39 AM

Yeah, at that age we pretty much had to tell my son "go take a shower", "go brush your teeth", every single time, or he just wouldn't. Sometimes (not always) he'd be all "ugggggh" but still do it. But we definitely micromanaged it because if we just left it up to him to decide when, it'd be never.

Now, at 16, he is on top of it, showers and brushes his teeth and combs his hair and wears deodorant and all that jazz completely unprompted.

ayup.

 

pretty much about as soon as they show actual interest in girls they begin bathing a bit more and practicing better hygiene on their own.  and of course the long hot soapy showers.  my boys take showers twice a day now (100 degree heat, outside playing football and weight room workouts later in the evenings).  i'm sure most of their reasoning is just getting cooled down 


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#28 Trub L

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 07:43 AM

Get some delousing powder. If he's funky, hit him with a handful of it. He'll learn.
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#29 weep er

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 07:46 AM

I’ll definitely be micromanaging it while he’s here, and I’ll try to get his dad on board too. It’s just that there’s such a fine line between damaging his self esteem and helping him see this is important. Especially now, when you easily get labeled some bullshit name in middle school. That would crush me. And he is very sensitive, so I’m using scare tactics on him right now.
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#30 weep er

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 07:49 AM

Get some delousing powder. If he's funky, hit him with a handful of it. He'll learn.

Come see me in a year, when yours turns evil



My son is 15 and still doesn't brush his teeth until told and sometimes gets out of the shower having never touched soap.

It is getting better, but I am ready for this phase to be over.

~dustin




Uuuuugggghhhh

Edited by weep er, 14 August 2019 - 07:49 AM.

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#31 TonyBrown

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 07:50 AM

ya, pretty much when my boys were going thru this phase we did the whole "just fvcking do it cuz i said so!" tactic.  :P 


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#32 the_stain

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 07:53 AM

ya, pretty much when my boys were going thru this phase we did the whole "just fvcking do it cuz i said so!" tactic. :P


This.
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#33 idajack

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 08:14 AM

My son is 15 and still doesn't brush his teeth until told and sometimes gets out of the shower having never touched soap.

It is getting better, but I am ready for this phase to be over.

~dustin

My 16 year old is still at this stage. It’s slowly improving after the divorce but his mother’s tactics were to be a friend rather than parent to both our kids. Our daughter was extremely self motivated and it was fine, the boy not so much.
I have to spend an exhausting amount of time telling him what to do and keep on him. He’s actually beginning to realize that I’m right and he needs to change and has made the comment that he’d be better off with me all the time if he wants to succeed at life but doesn’t want to hurt his mom’s feelings so doesn’t want to make the jump just yet.
I’ve actually decided to let him grow in personal responsibility by being with her half the time and just sending him reminder texts etc.
hopefully it works out for both of us but if you can get dad on the same wavelength and work together you’ll have more success.
It’s to the point where I’ve explained that there’s no “later” in real life, you don’t get to bed at a good hour, up at a reasonable time and groomed etc. then you’re gonna face a lot of challenges in life as it goes along. Employers aren’t gonna put up with tardiness or smelly employees unless you want to work night shift as a dish pig in a restaurant or a garbage collection career.
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#34 Sidney Porter

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 08:18 AM

I will admit that when my oldest was younger he would often count the pool as his shower. The chlorine kill everything was his justification.

Now he showers right after swimming because it makes him itchy.
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#35 Vagus

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 08:20 AM

I still count swimming as bathing ...

 

In urine.


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#36 GaryNConcord

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 11:47 AM

ya, pretty much when my boys were going thru this phase we did the whole "just fvcking do it cuz i said so!" tactic.  :P

Yep, in other words, you have to be the adult, cause they ain't there yet. 

There are times I'm grateful my youngest is about to hit 30.


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#37 djinkc

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 11:51 AM

I still count swimming as bathing ...

 

In urine.

That'll save Invy some time getting ready tomorrow


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#38 Deerslyr

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 11:55 AM

Yeah, at that age we pretty much had to tell my son "go take a shower", "go brush your teeth", every single time, or he just wouldn't. Sometimes (not always) he'd be all "ugggggh" but still do it. But we definitely micromanaged it because if we just left it up to him to decide when, it'd be never.

Now, at 16, he is on top of it, showers and brushes his teeth and combs his hair and wears deodorant and all that jazz completely unprompted.

This.

 

ETA:  My son is still a moron though.  He will get up, shower and go mow the lawns that he is paid to mow.


Edited by Deerslyr, 14 August 2019 - 11:56 AM.

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#39 texred1

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 12:15 PM

I’ll definitely be micromanaging it while he’s here, and I’ll try to get his dad on board too. It’s just that there’s such a fine line between damaging his self esteem and helping him see this is important. Especially now, when you easily get labeled some bullshit name in middle school. That would crush me. And he is very sensitive, so I’m using scare tactics on him right now.

 

Right, I want him to take personal responsibility and don't want to micro-manage him, but then again I don't want him to be labeled the stinky kid at school. It truly is a fine line.

 

However, the funky smell of a teenage boy can be overwhelming at times. When it gets to that point I become a lot more vocal about using soap and not just standing under the water in the shower.

 

This summer he started to realize that girls are interesting and I am hoping this revelation will prompt the more frequent use of shampoo and deodorant.

 

~dustin


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#40 SugarTits

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Posted 14 August 2019 - 02:00 PM

Some boys just don't think it important. I have found with two boys using a high motivator to reinforce a low motivation task to be very positive. Every kid has different motivators. Both of my boys loved video games, so I used the shit out of it.

List of things that must be accomplished every day. Do them all you bank video games for the weekend. Shit doesn't get done, there is no banked video game time.

Mico is on top of the hygiene, his current and past girlfriends would not allow a smelly boy. I did use it for hygiene before along with homework. Now he only banks video game time for practicing french horn or mellophone (marching horn). He has become very strong at homework and studying, it didn't seem like that would ever happen in 6th and 7th grade.
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